Gemstones and Gravestones Read online

  Sal cautiously opened the door to their prison, wincing at the loud scraping sound the overturned chair made as it dragged across the floor. The three friends quietly crept through the backroom of the jewelry store, hoping that Mr. McShifty didn’t leave one of the goons behind to stand guard.

  They snuck out the back door and got into Sal’s car. Sal breathed a sigh of relief as they drove away.

  “Let’s take that video disc straight to the police station,” Phyllis said.

  “Yes, I was thinking the same thing,” Sal agreed.

  Meanwhile, Betty was arguing with herself in the backseat. “But they’re mine! Why must I give them back?” she insisted to the empty seat next to her.

  Phyllis and Sal had gotten so used to Betty talking to herself lately, that they didn’t pay much attention to it anymore.

  They arrived at Specter County Police Station and entered the building. The same officer who had questioned Betty after the purse snatching noticed them as they came in. His shoulders slumped when he recognized Betty, and he and the other officers huddled for what appeared to be a game of ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’. His shoulders slumped even further as he, obviously the loser, approached the elderly threesome.

  “Hello. I’m Officer Gumshoe. Can I help you?” he asked warily.

  “Yes, officer,” Phyllis said, breathlessly. “We would like to report a bank robbery. We know exactly where the thieves are, but we have to hurry!”

  Officer Gumshoe looked doubtfully at the three seniors. It was obvious that he didn’t believe them. “No banks in Specter County have reported any robberies… why should I believe your story?” he asked.

  “We have a surveillance video of the crime as it happened,” Sal told him.

  Phyllis took the disc from Teeny and gave it to Officer Gumshoe. “You must watch it right away. The thieves are planning to fly to Mexico tonight. Please, hurry!” Phyllis urged him.

  Officer Gumshoe sighed and tried to hide his annoyance. He decided he should watch the video, if only to appease the old timers. He led them to a room with a TV. Some of the other officers came with them to watch.

  While they watched the video, Phyllis identified Mr. McShifty, and Sal showed Officer Gumshoe the jewelry show invitation with the photo of Sterling VonGemstone on it.

  “They should be at the jewelry show right now,” Sal told the officers, pointing to the date printed on the invitation. “If we go right away, we could catch them red handed.”

  “OK, I’ve seen enough. Let’s go,” Officer Gumshoe said. The undeniable evidence convinced him that he needed to act, despite his original reluctance.

  Perhaps they’re not just a bunch of crazy seniors after all, thought the cop, as he grabbed his badge and gun.

  Sal, Phyllis and Betty followed the police to the hotel that was hosting the jewelry auction.

  In the back of the car, Betty was having a frantic conversation with the empty seat next to her. “Stop treating me like a baby! I can hold them myself!” Betty said in an offended tone. Her hand clutched the forgotten medicine bottle inside her coat pocket.

  Phyllis looked in the backseat, and noticed with concern that Betty was looking rather pale and sweaty. It’s been a hard day for all of us; she probably just needs some food and rest, Phyllis thought.

  When they arrived at the hotel, Betty lagged behind Sal and Phyllis, moving even more slowly than usual.

  “C’mon, Betty, hurry!” Phyllis urged as they made their way across the hotel lobby to the ballroom where the jewelry show was being held.

  The ballroom was filled with people dressed in fancy clothes who sipped champagne from tall, slender glasses. On the stage, Agnes was batting her tarantula eyelashes at Sterling as he fastened a bracelet onto her wrist.

  The auctioneer was saying “This um… nice lady you see onstage insisted on modeling our next jewelry piece, and she wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer… And who could blame her, since it’s another beautiful VonGemstone original. This one-of-a-kind bracelet is made from rare black pearls and boasts a platinum clasp. Shall we start the bidding at ten thousand dollars…?” he announced.

  Just then, Sterling noticed the Police Officers heading toward the stage. In his haste to escape, he yanked the bracelet from Agnes’s wrist and pearls flew everywhere.

  “Oh… Sterling! Come back! Where are you going?” yelled Agnes.

  Agnes attempted to follow him, but she stepped on one of the pearls and slid off the stage, wind-milling her arms as she tried to regain her footing. She landed face-first in the lap of a fat man in a pinstripe suit, who was sitting in the front row.

  Startled, the fat man spilled his champagne on Agnes’s head. As she tried to get up, the fat man’s wife began hitting Agnes with her purse, and yelled “Get away from my husband, you trollop!”

  Mildred and Priscilla watched Agnes’ strange predicament, unsure of what do.

  Once Agnes got away from the fat man and his wife, her two friends rushed to her side.

  “Oh, Agnes, are you all right?” Mildred asked. Priscilla used a tissue to blot champagne from Agnes’ face.

  “Do I look like I’m all right?!” Agnes pushed Mildred and Pricilla away angrily. “If either of you had any brains at all, you would have helped me, you blockheads!” Agnes gave her friends a withering look. “You’re both completely useless… I don’t know why I invited you in the first place. It was a waste of two tickets,” Agnes ranted.

  Mildred and Pricilla stared at Agnes, who seemed to have forgotten that it was Mildred, not her, who had actually obtained the highly sought-after jewelry show tickets.

  Meanwhile, the police caught Sterling, Mr. McShifty, and Joe as they tried to escape out the back door of the hotel. The three criminals were arguing and accusing each other as the cops placed them under arrest.

  “He did it! It was all his idea!” Mr. Mcshifty cried, thrusting his chin at Sterling.

  “Well, who opened the safe deposit boxes?” Sterling retorted.

  “Save it for the judge,” the cop said as he cuffed their hands behind their backs.

  Meanwhile, Lars had escaped the officers by backtracking through the crowd and was now running toward the hotel lobby. Sal saw the big man coming and positioned himself near the door. As the thug ran past, Sal calmly thrust his cane between Lars’ feet and sent him sprawling. The police were on him in seconds, pinning him to the ground.

  “You’re not going anywhere, big guy,” Officer Gumshoe told Lars. He looked at Sal. “Nice work, old man.” Officer Gumshoe’s voice held a note of grudging respect that was not there before.

  Lars gave Sal a menacing stare as Officer Gumshoe handcuffed him and took him away.

  Sal turned and almost bumped into Agnes, who had come up behind him. He blinked in shock when he saw her ghastly appearance. Champagne dripped from her hair and black eye makeup ran down her face in dark streaks, staining the front of her dress.

  As usual, Agnes’s friends trailed behind her, but instead of worshipfully watching Agnes’s every move, Mildred and Priscilla were whispering to each other.

  “Oh Sal, I’m so glad you came!” Agnes cried, trying to hug him. “It was so brave how you caught that crook!”

  Sal dodged Agnes’s embrace. “Um, thanks Agnes.”

  Sal was tired and didn’t want to deal with Agnes right now. He just wanted to find Phyllis and Betty and go home.

  Thinking quickly, Sal said, “Hey Agnes, I think the police might have some questions for you. Just be sure to tell them that it was you who provided me with the invitation that identified Sterling VonGemstone.” Sal knew Agnes couldn’t resist a chance to boast that she’d somehow helped to apprehend the thieves.

  An eager smile came over Agnes’s make-up smeared face. Sal sighed with relief as she hurried away, with Mildred and Priscilla in tow.

  Sal found Phyllis near the buffet table. “Let’s hope Lars hit his face and choked on his toothpick when you tripped him.” she remarked, offeri
ng him a strawberry.

  “That’s a nice thought,” Sal replied, taking the fruit. He looked around. “Where’s Betty?”

  Suddenly, Teeny began barking frantically. He jumped from Phyllis’s handbag and ran toward the back of the ballroom.

  Sal and Phyllis chased after the little dog, calling “Teeny! Teeny, what is it, boy? What’s the matter?”

  They followed Teeny’s desperate barks to a row of chairs. As Sal and Phyllis came around to the front of the row, they saw Betty slumped over across the chairs, with Teeny anxiously licking her pale face. Phyllis rushed to her friend’s side, while Sal went to find help.

  “Betty! Betty! What happened?” Phyllis took Betty by the hand. An empty prescription bottle fell from Betty’s limp fingers.

  “Oh, no!” Phyllis cried. She had forgotten that she had given Betty the bottle of pills to open earlier.

  “Come on Betty! Wake up!” yelled Phyllis, shaking Betty by the shoulders.

  Betty moaned. She opened her eyes, which seemed to focus on a spot behind Phyllis’s shoulder. “Ernest…there you are,” she murmured. “Is it time to go?”

  Teeny whined, and tears streamed from Phyllis’ eyes. Phyllis sat down and cradled her friend’s head on her lap.

  Betty looked at Phyllis’s tear-stained face. “Phyllis…” she whispered, “I’m going with Ernest now... we want you and Sal to take care of each other…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes slowly slid shut.

  A contented smile came to rest on Betty’s face as she took her last breath.

  Teeny threw back his tiny head and howled mournfully.

  Officer Gumshoe came running over with Sal limping behind him. The policeman held his fingers to Betty’s wrist for a long moment, and then shook his head sadly. Phyllis sobbed as she clutched Betty’s lifeless body, and Sal turned away so no one could see how his eyes filled with tears.

  Chapter 20

  It was the first time Phyllis and Sal had been back to the Senior Center since Betty’s death. Betty’s funeral was later that morning, and many of their fellow water exercise participants were planning to attend the service.

  All of Specter County seemed to be talking about the jewelry heist, and the Senior Center was no exception. The other seniors in the class had endless questions for Sal and Phyllis, who had become overnight celebrities.

  But Phyllis wasn’t really in the mood to talk about the jewel heist. She was missing Betty, who normally would have been beside her in the pool.

  Meanwhile, Agnes was more than happy to respond to the questions, whether she knew the answer or not. And for once, Phyllis was grateful for Agnes’s interference.

  After class, Sal and Phyllis were exiting the Senior Center when a man suddenly thrust a microphone in front of them.

  “Hello, I’m Corey Spondent. I’m a reporter from the Specter County Spectator. Can I have a word with you two?” he asked.

  “Er…Okay,” Sal answered hesitantly.

  “Yoo-hoo, Mr. Spondent, I’ll grant you an exclusive interview,” Agnes said, pushing herself between Sal and the reporter.

  The reporter tried to move around Agnes to reach Sal and Phyllis.

  Agnes blocked his way again.

  The reporter looked at Agnes and said, “Ma’am, I’ll thank you to kindly…”

  “Oh, you don’t need to thank me, Mr. Spondent,” Agnes interrupted. “I don’t mind giving you the interview,” she said, batting her eyelashes.

  The reporter sighed, and reached around Agnes with the microphone. “I have a few questions about the jewel heist. Can you spell your last name for me, sir?” he asked Sal.

  Before Sal could answer, Agnes grabbed the microphone and spoke into it. “My last name is O’Snooty,” she said, “Agnes O’Snooty. O-S-N-O-O-T-Y,” she spelled.

  As the reporter tried to get his microphone away from Agnes, a photographer from the newspaper positioned himself in front of Sal and Phyllis.

  “This is for the front page,” the photographer said, adjusting the lens of his camera.

  Just as he snapped the picture, Agnes thrust her face in front of the camera.

  Phyllis sighed and took a step backward, trying to disappear into the crowd that had gathered in front of the building. Agnes was making a scene, arguing with the photographer.

  Henry sidled up to Phyllis and stood there for a moment before speaking. “Betty was your best friend,” he said quietly. “I bet you miss her.”

  Phyllis nodded. A tear rolled down her wrinkled cheek.

  Teeny whined and poked his head out from Phyllis’s purse, a tissue in his mouth. Phyllis took the tissue from the little dog and wiped her eyes. All morning, people had been asking Phyllis questions about the jewelry heist, seeming to forget the fact that Betty was dead. Those that did acknowledge Betty’s death, tried to comfort Phyllis by telling her ‘she went to a better place’ or ‘it was her time to go’.

  These remarks, although well-meaning, weren’t what Phyllis needed to hear. Henry, with his simple, kind statement, had voiced exactly what Phyllis was feeling. She missed her friend.

  Phyllis put her arm around Henry. He stayed with her until she and Sal left for the funeral.

  Henry watched them get in the car before walking away from the building.

  Once again, Danny and his friends were there, waiting for him.

  Chapter 21

  At the cemetery, a cold drizzle began falling from the sky, as if it were crying along with Betty’s family and friends. Once the service was over, the mourners headed inside for a reception.

  Sal walked beside Phyllis, holding his umbrella over them both. He wore a concerned expression as he watched Phyllis struggle with her walker. Betty’s death had been especially hard on her; besides grieving the loss of her dear friend, Phyllis was wrestling with feelings of guilt. She blamed herself for not making sure Betty took her pills properly while they were imprisoned in the jewelry store.

  Sal had tried to make her feel better. He told Phyllis that she had done the best she could under the circumstances, and that she should not blame herself for Betty’s overdose. He told her to blame her arthritis, which prevented her from opening the bottle. Or to blame Betty’s dementia, which made Betty forget how many pills she took. He even told her to blame him, for not being available to open the bottle when she needed him to.

  It hurt Sal to see Phyllis suffering. He also felt bad for Betty’s children, who had lost both their parents in less than a month.

  The only person who seemed to be having a good time was Agnes. She wore a bright red dress and a matching red hat with a huge feather sticking out of it. She had come to the funeral reception with a group from the senior center, and they were gathered near the buffet table. Agnes stood facing the cluster of seniors, gossiping about the jewelry heist.

  Although Mildred and Priscilla stood in their standard spot near Agnes, they did not seem to be as captivated by Agnes’s drama as they usually were.

  “Those jewel thieves would still be on the loose, if it weren’t for me,” Agnes bragged. “The invitation that I provided was what identified Sterling Von Gemstone to the police. Also, it was my invitation that told the police when and where they could find the thieves.”

  Pleased to have the group’s undivided attention, Agnes ignored the prickle on her neck and bragged on, unaware that a strange wind had lifted the hem of her dress, and tied it to the corner of the buffet tablecloth.

  “My daughter thinks I should get a reward for putting those crooks behind bars, but as you know, I’m too humble to ask for a reward. Just knowing that I made the world safer by apprehending those criminals is reward enough for me… but that’s just the kind of person I am,” Agnes said, her voice dripping with false modesty.

  Phyllis and Sal shook their heads as they overheard Agnes exaggerate her role in the capture of the jewel thieves.

  “Agnes must be the only person who would come to a funeral and act like it was all about her,” Phyllis remarked
.

  Just then, Agnes spotted Sal. She waved and attempted to walk away from the buffet table. Agnes’ dress, which was still mysteriously tied to the tablecloth, made a loud ripping noise as the seam tore open. Buffet trays that were on the table came crashing to the floor, splattering Agnes with food.

  In the moment of stunned silence that followed, a ghostly giggle could be heard.

  Agnes turned to her two friends, and angrily shouted, “Don’t just stand there, you idiots! Get me a towel!”

  Mildred and Priscilla hesitated. Pasta sauce dripped from the feather on Agnes’s hat.

  “Well, what are you two waiting for? Are you deaf and brainless?” Agnes screeched.

  Mildred and Pricilla hesitated again, then looked at each other and nodded as though they had made a decision. They linked arms and walked away from Agnes, their heads held high.

  “Hey! Come back here! Where’s my towel?”

  Agnes watched in disbelief as her two former friends ignored her and kept walking. “Get back here right now, or you’ll be sorry!” Agnes threatened.

  A large noodle slid from Agnes’ shoulder and hit the floor with a wet-sounding splat. A range of emotions displayed upon Agnes’ face in quick succession; rage, confusion, disbelief, realization, and finally… fear.

  “Wait…Mildred, Pricilla! Come back…You can’t just leave me here…” Agnes pleaded.

  *****

  After the funeral reception, Phyllis and Sal went back to the cemetery.

  They stood together, sharing Sal’s umbrella, while they looked at the heart shaped gravestone that Betty and Ernest shared. They had stood here like this just a few short weeks ago, at Ernest’s funeral.

  Sal thought about life; how short and precious it really was, and how he had wasted valuable time by keeping his feelings inside. Sal knew that whatever time he had left, he wanted to spend it with Phyllis. He decided he couldn’t wait any longer.

  Sal held his breath, and with his heart pounding, he tentatively reached out and took Phyllis’s hand.

  He sighed with relief as he felt Phyllis’s gnarled fingers grasping him back.

  Suddenly, the rain stopped, the clouds parted, and the sun shined down on the elderly couple, quietly holding hands in the cemetery.

  Phyllis leaned toward Sal, and gently rested her head on his shoulder.

  “What took you so long?” she asked.